I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
