Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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