ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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