I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
