highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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