Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
