Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want a musical about memes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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