You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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