come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
