The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
