What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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