I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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