Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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