I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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