I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
