I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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