I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
