Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
