is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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