my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
