just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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