Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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