then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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