He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
