I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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