I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
