i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
