There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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