I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
