Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
