And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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