Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dude. I can hear the air.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
