the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
