All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
