saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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