i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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