dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
