i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And then my night got REAL pukey
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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