ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
