Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
