why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
