I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
