Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
