believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
