you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
