I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
