it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
