did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
