Dual....:-)
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
