this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
