i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
People with herpes should wear stickers.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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