this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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