Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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