Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
