Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
