Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
