I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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