So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
