her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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