If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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