what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
