I just threw up on my dentist
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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