the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
