Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
