"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
